Monday, April 14, 2014

First Indication That All Was Not Well - Cracked Rib Or Return Of Cancer?

I look back to June of last year and remember how excited hubby and I were at the prospect of living for a whole year in our favourite part of Ireland, Allihies in the Beara Peninsula, West Cork, with many return visits to family and friends in Dublin, of course. After all, we would be spending a lot of time with our son and beautiful daughter-in-law before and after the birth of their first-born.  We would become grandparents in August. Everything was set for the adventure of a lifetime, even the lambs in the nearby field seemed to share our joy.

Every day for the first three weeks we did as we always did in Allihies - went for two hour long walks across the rugged landscape and along the Ballydonegan shoreline.  One morning, on waking, I felt a fairly sharpish pain at the base of my right rib cage, definitely nothing to concern myself with, most likely a strain from all those rocky hills and climbing over the odd gate!  As time went by, the pain only presented itself every other day, definitely nothing to worry about.  Then, on the morning of Friday, June 28th, in considerable discomfort the thought flashed through my mind that this could possibly be the Breast Cancer spreading but immediately dismissed the idea, opting instead for a self-diagnosis of a cracked rib. Later that morning we decided that if the pain got any worse we'd head home on Sunday and have it checked out.  Saturday came and things weren't too bad, even had a G&T that night while watching the Rolling Stones strut their stuff at Glastonbury.

In the early hours of Sunday morning when trying to turn over in bed, it was so painful that I remained in the same position until finally waking at around 7.30am. The decision to head home was made when, even with the help of hubby, I screamed with every tiny movement as I tried to get out of bed. The five hour car journey was an absolute nightmare. Next day I would visit our GP.


Above image: Ballydonegan Bay, Allihies, taken by me, June 2013.


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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Best Laid Plans....

My mother would always say "man proposes and God disposes" meaning, we make the plans but God decides the actions. Never has that been so true when, in June of last year, hubby and I made the life-changing decision to spend a large amount of our retirement years renting in Allihies, West Cork. As I mentioned many times before, we fell head over heels in love with this amazing little village the first time we visited back in 2001. Nothing could have prepared us for the bombshell that was to hit four weeks later - my breast cancer had spread to my rib-cage and spinal vertebrae, from neck to base of spine.

Having moved from our lovely rented bungalow in Skibbereen at the end of May to our gorgeous, proposed rental home in Allihies we decided that we'd like nothing more than rent this house for one whole year. I had so many dreams of having our family, including our first grandchild, and friends come visit us for long weekends, we of course, travelling back to Dublin every so often to visit them. This visit, would also for me, definitely include a spot of retail therapy!

Well, that's how these things go.  We're hoping my treatment will finish at the end of March and who knows, maybe this summer we may well return to Allihies for a couple of weeks, God knows, my hubby is in dire need of a holiday.

Just before I entered hospital at the end of August last year our beautiful grandson was born.  This little boy will never know how much he has contributed to my great improvement as shown by my MRI and CT scan in December. The love of my whole family, especially my beloved hubby and the constant contact and great love shown by our good friends has helped enormously in getting me through some really tough times, I can't begin to thank you all.

I'll be in touch very soon.......

Cheers!!!

Above image of me taken September 2013.

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Saturday, June 29, 2013

Return To Allihies - Latest Wanderings!

To continue from where I left off last time, hubby and I have left Skibbereen where we spent a wonderful four months and have now moved into our lovely rented house in Allihies in the Beara Peninsula, West Cork. I've probably declared this many times but since our first visit to Allihies twelve years ago, it's been drawing us back time after time to the point where we now know this is where we want to live out a good deal of our retirement years.

Our plan is to divide our time between West Cork and Dublin, probably spending a fair amount of time over the coming months with the family in Dublin because as I mentioned in the earlier post, we are to become grandparents in August.

Each day here brings its own beauty - early morning thick mists wholly enveloping land and sea, horizontal rain with gale force winds and sunshine that casts a golden glow across the fields, coaxing the foxglove and fuchsia flowers into full bloom - all that sometimes in one day!  Rarely are two hours the same.

Since we arrived here three weeks ago we've been walking the bohreens and back roads to Allihies village almost on a daily basis and when the swirling West Cork winds permit, we cross the rugged Ballydonegan landscape.  For what seems like miles we walk along the cliff edge, where, far below, blue-black waters weave and crash their way between the dark, mountainous rocks.  I find it terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

The first thing I noticed when we arrived back down here after a two year break is that everywhere seems the same, nothing has changed, for that I am so grateful.  Not a property developer in sight!

Over the weeks we have made new friends, these two little guys find shelter from the winds just outside my writing room window, usually early in the morning and on warm sunny days, they relax on the lawn with their mother.  They're so used to us now that if we come out they just glance up then continue chewing the cud!

I plan to write regular updates on life in our little haven in Allihies.




All images taken by me, June 2013.

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Sunday, June 23, 2013

Remembering JFK - First U.S President To Walk On Irish Soil

I'm not quite sure where you'd need to have been hiding for the past few months not to realise that, at this very moment, Ireland is in the midst of commemorating President John F. Kennedy's 50th anniversary visit to these green shores.

Although Dublin, Cork and Limerick were honoured with his visit it was his "homecoming" to (The Kennedy Homestead) Dunganstown, New Ross in County Wexford which drew the greatest media attention and indeed, the massive outpourings of "Cead Mile Failte" from family and locals alike. It was from this place in 1848 that the President's great-grandfather, Patrick Kennedy, left for the United States along with the many other emigrants aboard the Dunbrody Famine Ship.

I was exactly eleven and a half years old on that evening in June 1963 as the presidential cavalcade moved slowly along Westmoreland Street, Dublin.  Standing tall and tanned in the open-top car was the President of the United States, JFK, as he was affectionately known to one and all.   Deciding I wanted a good view of this exciting person who had traveled from a far off land (well, actually Germany that morning) to be with us I gradually inched my way out to the front of the crowd, my mother within grabbing distance behind me.

I'm not quite sure if it was his brown skin (I'd never seen anyone with a tan before!), dazzling smile or his amazing presence, probably all three I suspect but I went weak at the knees when he passed by.  I'm even certain he made eye contact with me as he waved, well, I live in hope!

As we didn't have a telly until a little later on, mother and myself would head over to our neighbour across the street to view on her Bush or Pye 17" box all the comings and goings of the President as he traveled around the country giving, what became, his historic speeches.   Yes, for me, the summer of '63 was a good one.

Above image: President John F. Kennedy in New Ross, County Wexford, 27th June 1963 via Wiki.

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Greener Pastures Beckon!

They say time flies when you're enjoying yourself and this has certainly been the case during our two months down here in beautiful Drishanemore, Skibbereen, West Cork.  Daily, I'm drawn in by the breathtaking surroundings which could be mistaken for any one of the many exotic locations around the world.

Rain or shine, the view, from the left side of the house, mesmerises me.  Just looking out over the sloping lawn which merges into the small field below then across the narrow gravel road that leads you straight to the water's edge of the magical cove, takes me into a kind of hypnotic trance.  I know that when we finally leave here I shall miss this place with all my heart.

Nearly three years ago when hubby and I returned to Allihies in the Beara Peninsula (a two hour car journey from Drishanemore) after first visiting with our children back in 2000, I never realised the impact that this small village, with the old mine engine house as its landmark, would have on our lives.  It's to there we returned a couple of times during these last two months and it's where we will eventually spend a considerable amount of time over the coming years.  For the immediate future, however, we have very good reason to be in Dublin as much as possible - in late summer, we are to become grandparents!

To be continued.............


Top image: View from bedroom, Drishanemore, taken by me, March 2013.
Bottom image: "Man Engine House" Mountain Mine, Allihies, taken by me, October 2010.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tragumna / Lough Hyne, Skibbereen, West Cork

As it was a lovely evening last Sunday plus after watching Ireland's disastrous defeat to Scotland in the Six Nations Championship at Murrayfield it was time to hit our local, The Skibbereen Eagle, in Tragumna.  Our first time there and only a twenty minute walk, well, for me, anyway.  Nice pub and with its warm, welcoming wood-burning fire I thought it would be packed, but no, just a couple of families with their young children and another older couple at the other end of the bar.

By the time we emerged an hour later the sun was setting over Tragumna, which of course created magnificant lighting.  The views over Drishane Island and the Tragumna pier are particularly beautiful at that time of evening.

Monday afternoon saw us head to Lough Hyne, Ireland's first Nature Reserve with splended woodland walks towering ever so high.  With encouragement from hubby I did manage to climb up onto the first layer, if you like, and was generously rewarded by the breathtaking views down onto the lake and roadside. I loved every minute.

Later that evening we learned that there would be a full moon so at around 10.30pm I got hubby to accompany me to our little cove where we just stood and listened to the waves and watched in awe, the amazing moonshine turn the water to silver.  It's a memory that will remain with me forever.



























































Top to Bottom Images:-

Drishane Island, Tragumna, Skibbereen, West Cork.
Tragumna Pier.
Scenic walkway along Lough Hyne.
Lough Hyne.
Woodlands around Lough Hyne.


All images taken by me, February 2013.

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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Greetings! From Skibbereen, West Cork

I can't believe hubby and I have been three weeks here already!   The house we're staying in is everything I've always wanted - on a hill, overlooking a cove.  The fact that there's a boathouse in the huge garden really conjures up, for me, images of Enid Blyton's "Famous Five" not to mention the cove at the end of the long garden which for some reason constantly reminds me of Daphne du Maurier's "Rebecca".  We even have the iron gate leading to the drive. 

The area is Drishanemore, Skibbereen in West Cork and as yet there are many places of great interest we haven't visited but plan to do so in the coming months.  Overall, the weather has been fairly good, through there have been a few days of continuous rain and it definitely has been very cold in recent days but in general, we've managed to get out for our walks almost every day.  As I always say, a grey sky has its own beauty.

With the house being a family home I'd rather not show internal images for privacy reasons, much as I'd love to, but the beautiful external views can certainly be enjoyed.












Top to Bottom Images:-

Boreen not far from house.
Cove 100 yards from house.
View from garden.
View from my writing desk.

All images taken by me, February 2013.

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Monday, February 18, 2013

New Poetry Blog!

Over the past couple of weeks I've had lots of time to sort out some of the things I've been putting on hold over the last few months and one of them is starting up my new poetry blog.  I'm so excited!  Rather than mix my rambling words in with all my usual stuff I've decided to separate them and give them their own space, I hope they will thank me some day by attracting the eye of some high street publisher, well, any publisher really!

So, before I get too carried away I will give you the name of the blog which is, Ann Brien ~ Thoughts From A Dog-Eared Notebook, subtitle, Words in Progress......

I hope you will stop by from time to time.  I'll leave the poems already on here for your convenience.

Thanks in anticipation!


Above image via Wiki.

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Friday, February 15, 2013

The Big House

When I was a youngster sometimes I'd hear my father or someone else mention that such a person was in the "Big House" which years later I understood to mean he or she was a patient in a psychiatric hospital.  Back then people found and still are finding it difficult to discuss depression and mental illness in any form.  The hospitals were known as Lunatic Asylums for the Insane and other dreadful, frightening names, so no wonder we were scared at the very mention of them let alone the sight of them.

These institutions were huge granite or red brick buildings looming up within large high-walled areas usually containing a laundry, bakery, chapel and other smaller outbuildings. Three of our most famous Irish psychiatric hospitals, St. Brendan's Hospital (also known as Grangegorman and originally the Richmond Lunatic Asylum), St. Ita's Hospital (formerly Portrane Asylum) and St. Patrick's Hospital (originally St. Patrick's Hospital for Imbeciles) date back to between the mid-1700s and late-1800s, and, as some came into existence through either large donations from wealthy donors or Government grants, I'm sure only the finest building materials of the day were used in their construction. They've certainly withstood everything our Irish climate has thrown at them over the years, though some now are in the final stages of total disrepair.

In recent years it has been decided that these hospitals, both here in Ireland and further afield, no longer provide the proper environment or adequate accommodation required to meet the needs of the mentally ill.  Some patients are already in the process of being moved to other facilities, others, too elderly and frail both in mind and body to be disturbed, remain within the confines of what to them is home.

As a part of my research for an upcoming film in which I'll be playing a psychiatric patient I've been reading up on the care and sometimes barbaric treatments administered to patients in some of these grim institutions. At this point I hastily add not Irish ones although perhaps some of these too are not wholly exempt from blame.  I'm shocked to the core to discover the inhumane conditions these pure people had to endure in the name of healing. 

The following poem, part of which I wrote a couple of years back, is written from the viewpoint of a passer-by who has just walked through a psychiatric hospital ruins and is standing before the building questioning what really happened within its walls down through the ages. The hospital is purely fictitious.


The Big House

I stand before you asking
If your walls could speak
What horrors would they reveal.
You stare through sightless eyes
Your windowpanes once warmed by summer sun
Now shattered as the broken spirits of your long dead, forgotten inmates.

Your open doorways beckon from the storm
Creatures, winged and animal alike
As once they welcomed human souls in search of refuge from their demons.

Pills and potions were the menu of the day
And when chemicals alone could not mend the most broken minds
Temporal lobes were seared to exact the desired calm.

Your white-washed walls more befitting bovine habitation than human comfort
Now crumble piece by greying piece into the dust and fossilised bird shit.
On your few remaining iron beds manacles still dangle
Like the hanging Jesus on his Calvary cross
A grim reminder of freedom so cruelly denied.

Chimney stacks stand tall against the darkening sky
Two hundred years of desperate cries and splintered thoughts
Long carried on the wind.

Before they finally crush your wasted bones
Just let me say to those unfortunates who died within your walls
I'd like to think you left this world sensing someone cared.

No need now for barred windows for no one's left to flee your prison
Those still living seeking peace in new-found sanctuaries
Those no more at rest in dreamless sleep.


© Ann Brien 2013


Above image:  St. Brendan's Hospital, Grangegorman via Wiki.
Image used only to portray the poem's fictional hospital's state of disrepair.

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Thursday, January 10, 2013

Any Old Iron?

My greatest memory of Saturday nights in our Ringsend house is of my mother ironing in the living room.  Never a woman to rush out and buy the latest gadgets she quite happily made do with what, even then (mid-1960s), resembled an item which would have looked more at home in a glass showcase in the National Museum!  This apparent prehistoric object was in fact an iron made from real iron - now, I don't have to be a Mensa member to guess that this is how it probably got its name.  She had not just one but two for the simple reason that you needed two, one for working with while the other heated on the cooker, in our case, a gas cooker!  I was always terrified watching the blue flame curl around this rusty monstrosity, expecting it to explode through the roof at any given moment.

When mother had cleared away after tea she would place on the oval dining table her ironing paraphernalia which consisted of; a heavy piece of felt on which was placed several old sheets folded into a large square, all of which made for a wonderful deep, thick ironing board.  While this ritual was being carried out, the first iron was heating like billyo on the dreaded gas cooker.  Then, fast as lightning, when the iron had reached the required temperature and for the life of me I'll never know how she knew this, she would place it in its stainless steel shield, put the other iron on to heat then begin work on my father's shirts which would have taken precedence over every other item of clothing.  The trick with this form of ironing was in the speed with which you worked because the irons cooled very quickly.  I wonder now how my mother had such energy at the end of the day, it makes me tired just thinking about it!

I'll never know why she didn't just invest in an electric iron which would have made life so much easier for her but it was probably because of her fear of electric gadgets, she didn't trust them.  Hence, our household didn't possess what would have then been considered luxuries such as a fridge or washing-machine, mother preferring to rely on a tin box hung on our backyard wall to keep the food cool both in summer and winter and rolling up her sleeves each Monday morning which was of course, washday.


Above image via: www.quiltaddictsanonymous.com

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Monday, December 31, 2012

What A Year!

They say God never closes one door but He opens another - well, that's exactly what the year 2012 has been for me.

The year didn't get off to a great start with me having being recently diagnosed with breast cancer then facing surgery and treatment but by mid-summer the door was truly opened with the wedding of our eldest son making hubby and I the proudest, happiest parents in the world!  I couldn't have asked for a lovelier daughter-in-law, we get on fabulously.

Christmas has been extra special for me this year for many reasons, and you know what? - the best has yet to come, more about that in the New Year!

I just want to say a quick Thank You to all of you who were so supportive to me through your lovely comments during the year.

I wish everyone a Happy, Healthy and Peaceful 2013!!!!


Above image: St. Stephen's Green, Dublin, taken by me, September 2011.

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Saturday, November 24, 2012

Julia

The subject of the lines below is a lady who was very much part of my early and later life.   At difficult times she always seemed to be there, a warm shoulder to lean on.  Her presence during one very painful life event helped me more than she'll ever know.  Amazingly, her voice has not altered with time, which for me is magic because when I hear her speak, I'm once again that little girl, so excited at being in the company of someone who is very special to me.  It's been a few years since I heard that voice, so before this year is out, I intend to right that.  Meantime, this is for you, dear cousin.



Julia


My newest mother is peering down the Brownie camera lens
while I, in your arms, scowl at the box.
I'm two and a half years old
And not used to having my photograph taken.
My newest backyard is still an unfamiliar playground,
But safe within your arms, the strangeness holds no fear.

I'm eight years old,
It's dark, you hold my hand as we descend the cast-iron steps to your underground workplace.
I've never been in a canteen,
My eyes and ears absorb the sights and sounds of tea trays being delivered through little wall hatches
And the merry chatter of people enjoying their evening meal.

I feel certain it's the same evening, you take me to a big house,
Up the stairway to a room where both cheery mother and bustling brood welcome us with lively banter.
I love being here.
I protest at leaving the joyful spirit of this tenement lodging.

I'm ten years old,
I wait at the corner of our avenue on balmy summer Friday nights.
You bring sixpenny bars of chocolate, that's all I remember.

I'm twelve years old,
You arrive to our house every few weeks with your first-born daughter
In her magnificent high pram with the rose on the side.
I get to wheel her up the avenue.   I get to hold her.
I want to be a mother like you.

I'm seventeen years old,
I'm living with your Mam and Dad.
I don't see you as often as I'd like
But I see your first-born daughter some week-ends.

I'm forty five years old,
You hold me in your arms as I grieve the loss of my not-so-new mother.
She had her problems but she was a good mother.

I'm forty nine years old,
We hold each other as we grieve the loss of my not-so-new father.
He had his problems but he was a good father.

We're both older mothers now.
I don't see you at all.
I want to hear your voice again.
I want to hold you and feel your motherly arms around me.
I want to savour the chocolate bars one more time.


© Ann Brien 2012


Above image:  Me, taken by Julia in my backyard, 1954.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Too Cold For "Piggybeds"

I'm not quite sure what it is about this time of year but I find myself yet again wanting to describe a winter memory as I experienced it during my childhood in Ringsend, Dublin.   I pray all these  memories I will carry with me to the end of my days, and with some luck, into the next life.

How wonderful it would be if we could transfer our happy recollections into our childrens' minds for them to glimpse what life was like for a child in the 1950s and 60s long before street games were replaced by sitting at a computer monitor where the only physical movement is that of your fingers on a keyboard and the periodic clicking of a mouse.   I suppose it has something in its favour, perhaps the children of today have a level of mental fitness that we could never achieve, but Boy, were we physically fit as fiddles!

Below is a little piece I wrote when remembering the other day, the winter's evening my friends and I had been playing "piggybeds" (a kind of hopscotch) at the end of my avenue and when it became too cold, they went home.

I, of course, with my goulish fascination for bleak winter nights remained in the avenue for a while in the hope that a storm-force wind would suddenly blow up and then I'd also get to hear the eerie fog-horn which always excited and terrified me at the same time!


Too Cold For "Piggybeds"


The street lamp casts its amber glow upon the eight-squared white chalk pattern,
A dirt-filled polish tin lies abandoned just outside square four, its abrupt end to play, the consequence of frozen fingers.
Mesmerised by the bleakness of this November evening,
My gaze begins its long fix on nature's tapestry;
The fog-shrouded moon,
The navy clouds, their wispy pink tendrils trailing off in zig-zag directions and, across the road,
The ink-black Liffey as she rhythmically pounds the sea wall.
Enveloped in the freezing mist
My thoughts now turn to bright red flames leaping in our living-room hearth,
And so, without much inner persuasion, I place the long-discarded "piggy" in the safety of neighbouring hedgerow,
Then make my way homeward to the promising comforts of warm hands and Irish stew.


© Ann Brien 2012


Above image: My avenue, taken by me, July 2011 (hedgerow to right still in existence!).

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Friday, August 10, 2012

Terraced Lives

Every so often, in fact, very often, I browse through the photographs I've taken over the years, and the ones that I linger over the most are those of my beloved hometown of Ringsend, Dublin.

This particular image I took of my avenue shortly before I left in the summer of 1969. As I stared intently at the houses facing onto one another, side by side in a straight row, they looked like dancers waiting for their musical cue to move forward. I believe houses hold memories. I tried to imagine how many family situations made their way through the wallpapered walls of the neighbouring houses, our neighbours on both sides were placid to the extreme.

As I'm fascinated by rooftops I'm so happy to have captured the avenue back at a time when huge TV aerials were essential if you wanted to view television channels from across the water, namely, the BBC and UTV. We didn't have one so made do with Radio Telefis Eireann, great programmes they were too!  Below are my few words of tribute to a time gone by.


Terraced Lives

Like stone-faced dancers
The houses face each other.
Conjoined bricks and mortar hold within them secrets of the dwellers
And, through faded creamy rosebud paper, sounds from distant rooms.
Like grotesque mosquitoes hung in time
Steel grey aerials stand tall against the darkened skyline,
Their rooftop vantage serving the human need to look beyond its own wretched life
Onto an imagined brighter landscape.

© Ann Brien 2012


Above image: Cambridge Avenue, Ringsend, Dublin taken by me, May 1969.

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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Remembering Norma Jeane
























I wasn't quite eleven years old when the body of Marilyn Monroe was found in the early hours of August 5th, 1962, in her Los Angeles home. Dead at the age of just thirty six. I vaguely remember the newspaper headlines and all the commotion at the time but what I vividly remember is seeing the many images of this truly beautiful blonde-haired woman whose eyes held you captive with their dreamy softness and that perfectly formed mouth.

Eleven years later those same photographs were to once again draw me like a magnet to Marilyn, not only because of her great beauty, but this time, sitting in my Dublin bed-sit, I'd just read about her tragic early life in The Sunday Times Magazine, 7th October, 1973. Some of her pain I could identify with.

During the early 1970s I was doing a bit of photographic modelling and sometimes during a shoot I'd pretend I was Marilyn, I felt inspired by her.  As I'd wanted to be an actress since I was twelve years old I promised myself that if I ever succeeded in fulfilling that dream, Marilyn would again be my inspiration.

Maybe the cause of her death will never be determined but I'd like to think it wasn't murder or suicide.

Famous Marilyn Monroe Quote: “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”  That told 'em!

Goodbye, Norma Jeane, you are in the hearts and minds of people today, you always will be. Rest In Peace.





Top image of Marilyn via www.telegraph.co.uk
Centre image via The Sunday Times
Bottom image, my photoshoot 1971-1974

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Friday, August 3, 2012

Maeve Binchy - Storyteller Extraordinaire

I was a late comer to the writings of Maeve Binchy.  In fact, it wasn't until the summer of 2006 that I read a whole bunch of her short stories during a long, hot, holiday in the South of France. Reading through each narrative I became increasingly aware of Maeve's great ability to touch the very soul of the reader with her heart-warming and sometimes, quite painful outcome of the characters you got to know so well, you were deeply affected by it. For me, that's the sign of a great storyteller.

Maeve was the author of sixteen novels, two of which were later made into TV films (The Lilac Bus and Echoes). Three others, Circle of Friends, Tara Road and How About You were made into feature films. She also wrote four collections of short stories, a play, Deeply Regretted By and the novella, Star Sullivan.

It was while working in the Irish Times London office during the early 1970s that she began writing fiction and where she would meet her husband, Gordon Snell. Her first novel, Light A Penny Candle, was published in 1982 and remained in the Top 10 charts for fifty three weeks.

My favourite Maeve Binchy quote in which she once said of her female characters "I don't have ugly ducklings turning into swans in my stories. I have ugly ducklings turning into confident ducks".  Wow!

On Monday evening, 30th July, Maeve Binchy aged 72, died peacefully in hospital after a short illness with her husband, Gordon and sister, Joan at her side. Her funeral service took place this morning in the Church of the Assumption, Dalkey attended by hundreds of mourners from near and far.  This was a lady so much loved, not only for her great gift of storytelling, but for the lovely person she was. She will be sadly missed.

Our Taoiseach, Enda Kenny in his tribute to Maeve on Tuesday said: "Today we have lost a national treasure...."  We're all with you on that one, Enda.  Rest In Peace, Maeve.


Above image of Maeve Binchy via www.irishtimes.com
Church of the Assumption, Dalkey taken by me on 26th July 2012

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Monday, July 30, 2012

Ireland's Little Bay of Naples - A Day In Killiney

Last Thursday morning started off with warm sunshine and a clear blue sky.  Not having experienced much of that this summer I decided it would be the perfect day for a trip to Killiney, the lovely seaside resort in south County Dublin.

At around mid-day, hubby and I got the bus into town, then the DART (Dublin Area Rapid Transit), our wonderful train service which travels along our Dublin Bay coastline, to Killiney Station. After walking the full length of Killiney Beach we then sat on a rock to munch on our bananas and Hula Hoops, washed down with, by then, warm bottled water. I was in seventh Heaven!

We had planned on walking the hour long journey back to Dalkey village but en route decided to take in Killiney Hill.  The climb was breathtaking in every respect!  Half way up I really did think I wouldn't be able to make it, I was completely out of breath and gasping like a set of asthmatic bagpipes!  I knew hubby would have been disappointed and I definitely had to prove to myself that this was well within my capability, so onward I struggled.  It was worth every wheeze as the images convey.

A couple of hours later we arrived in Dalkey village where we revived ourselves with coffees in The Queens Bar and Restaurant in Castle Street.  Afterwards, headed to the DART station where we only had a few minutes to wait for the train back to the city centre.  As it was 5.30pm and right in the middle of evening rush hour we strolled around town then met up with our youngest son for dinner in Buswells Hotel, Molesworth Street, my favourite haunt.  All in all, a lovely day out.




















All above Killiney/Dalkey images taken by me.

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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Forgiveness

This afternoon I was browsing through an old shoebox containing bits and pieces from as far back as the mid to late 1990s.  I was amazed to find a piece of paper on which I'd written down my then feelings towards my adoptive mother.  It was a poem I called "Forgiveness" and dated a couple of years after her passing in 1996.  Thankfully, as a result of many years of therapy during the late 90s, in which I dealt with those feelings, no trace of that anger remains.

Mum loved me very much. I will always miss her.



Forgiveness

It can't have been easy for you
I know that now.
There came no reassuring touch or words of comfort as you fought the demons which raged within you
Instead, you unleashed those howling beasts upon a helpless child who could not understand your fury.
They frightened me, damn you
Still, it can't have been easy.

© Ann Brien 2012


Above image taken by me in Allihies, West Cork, February 2011.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

"With This Ring......" I'm A Mother-In-Law!

It's a little over two and a half months since I finished my radiotherapy treatment for breast cancer and I'm so glad to report that I am now over the worst of the tiredness and life is beginning to return to some degree of normality, whatever that was to begin with!

My greatest fear during the past six months was that I wouldn't be well enough to enjoy our eldest son's June wedding.  Well, I can happily say that on the day my health was never better.  Be it the adrenaline, call it what you will, I had an energy and vitality the like of which I've not felt for many, many months.  I should have been exhausted given that I'd spent the previous couple of weeks flying around town, looking for the perfect mother-of-the-groom outfit, aided and abetted of course by some of my very close girlfriends!  We had such a laugh. Following the purchase we then headed to O'Neill's Bar & Restaurant in Suffolk Street for lunch and a celebratory drink.

Well, the wedding ceremony itself took place in the Newman University Church on St. Stephen's Green, Dublin.  Outside, while the rain fell in torrents, within the ancient walls of this magnificant building the light shone brightly as our son and his beautiful bride exchanged their wedding vows, a moment to cause every mother's heart to burst with pride and joy and a tiny sense of "handing them over". (Dads of course too, but in a different way!).  I would love to include here photos of the happy couple but I decided long ago never to post images of family or friends for their own privacy with maybe the exception now and again of hubby.


The reception was held just across the Green in the splended St. Stephen's Green Hibernian Club, but the planned photoshoot beforehand in St. Stephen's Green Park, to be followed by the short walk to the venue, came a cropper to the elements as heavy rain forced the wedding party to hail down taxis, the whole scene looking very much straight out of a Hollywood comedy, we had such fun.  The rain didn't spoil the proceedings in any way, in fact it will have made for much hilarious memories! Hope someone got a photo of us frantically hailing those taxis!

Alongside our own wedding and the birth of our two children this day holds one very special place in my heart.  We wish our son and our new wonderful daughter-in-law a long, happy and healthy life together.




Top image:  Newman University Church via www.universitychurch.ie
Mid image:  Me during wedding ceremony.
Bottom image: Hubby and I deep in conversation in Hibernian Club.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Radiotherapy Treatment Done - Final Hurdle Accomplished!

This has probably been my longest time without posting and I have to admit it feels really scary getting back out there!  So, before the afternoon fatigue sets in I will bring you up-to-date on what's been happening for me over the past few weeks.

On March 22nd I began the first of my twenty daily radiation sessions (excluding weekends and one Bank Holiday).  Fifteen of those treatments were to the right side of my chest - the breast itself with a large surrounding coverage, basically from my shoulder to a couple of inches below my breast.  The remaining five were "boost" treatments directly into the tumour site, receiving a slightly higher dose than the previous "standard" ones.

With the exception of the first and last treatment, all my appointments were afternoon times. It's amazing how you can reschedule your life when needs be, for one whole month the daily travel became part of our normal routine. Hubby, to whom I'll be eternally grateful, provided the necessary taxi service and sat with me in the waiting area until my name was called then afterwards endured the drive home through the rush-hour traffic, which I have to admit wasn't as bad as we'd anticipated.

The radiation treatments themselves were to say the least, very interesting.  The first day took the longest as they had to position me then take measurements and images to make sure everything was in order before the treatment could begin.  The Radiation Treatment Machine (almost identical to the above image) scared me a little at first.  I saw it as a giant living monster especially when its left arm (the one which took the images) moved over me then back again followed by the huge main head which would move right across me, down the other side and back above me. The whirring sound of that machine will remain etched in my memory for evermore.

 I was very lucky in having excellent mobility in my right arm following the surgery as I had to have both arms raised above my head on the table for a considerable time period that day.  The subsequent days required only a minimal amount of positioning and measuring.  Three weeks into the treatment more images were taken to check that my right lung wasn't being affected by the radiation as it was slightly exposed during each dose.

By the end of the second week I was beginning to feel the first tiring effects.  When they checked my blood pressure it was 185/102 and as I was also having headache and dizziness they sent me to my GP who put me on Omesar 10mg to lower the pressure.  I'm really hoping it's not a side-effect of the Femara medication and that I'll be off the blood-pressure pills very soon. Both the hospital people and my GP think it's probably the combined effects of the medication and radiation, my poor body doesn't know which end of it is up!

By the end of week three there were days when I was so tired and nauseous I thought I wouldn't be able to keep my appointments.  This is what they prepared me for but I didn't think it would actually happen to me.  One day it hit me on the way home from the hospital, my body felt like lead and I fought hard to keep my eyes open. The tiredness was so bad it was scary!  From about the second "boost" dose the fatigue has worsened not to mention the "hot flashes" from the Femara, which can on a bad day, be anything up to near twenty in total! Night time can also be a right curse with one minute waking up sweating the next, freezing!

However, I have to look at all of this in a positive light - the side-effects, nasty as they are, pose a very small inconvenience in comparison to having the cancer recur.

I have been extremely lucky with the radiation in that I've not burned except for a small blister beneath my breast which is slightly broken but otherwise my skin is fine.  Apparently burning can be an issue for some women.

 If it's any help to anyone, I used E45 lotion twice a day - first lot in the morning then washed if off later in the shower (using only Simple soap) before attending the unit then again before going to bed.  I still continue with that routine which thank God, seems to be still working for me. For the past five weeks I've not used any deodorant or shaved under my arms, hence possibly beginning to resemble my one of my very early ancestors!  Another three weeks until my armpits are bald and smelling of roses!

For any woman starting her radiotherapy treatment let me say that you have absolutely nothing to fear. At no point is there any discomfort during the process. The only problem for some women might be that their underarm may not be fully mobile following lymph node removal.  My one word of advice would be to try to keep up the gentle arm exercises given by your physiotherapist following surgery, they really, really help. 

So, my final radiation session was on the morning of April 20th.  In a strange way I felt a sense of sadness leaving the building that had become my second home for the past month, indeed, for the past three months. Meeting the radiation therapists each day was like going into the office to chat with the girls and the young man. On Mondays we would talk about our weekend activities, mine definitely being a lot more sedentary than theirs!

Before leaving I was given my six-week check-up appointment and again saw the nurse who photographed my boob then dressed my broken blister.  They keep a good eye on you in there during your treatment, one week you see the doctor then the following week, the nurse.

In some ways the tiredness is getting more pronounced as the weeks go by meaning, that sometimes I can't go somewhere that I've really looked forward to or just plain not being able to go on my walks.  In time I know I'll be fine.


Radiotherapy Treatment Machine Image: www.myradiotherapy.com
St. James's Hospital, Dublin, Radiotherapy Treatment Waiting Area: www.avsystems.ie

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